The pit in the bottom of my stomach, the heat on the back of my neck.
If life was easy, we would be stress free.
Driving down the road, rushing here and there. Late or put upon, challenged in some way, pressured by loved ones, work or play.
Our paths are cluttered by obstacles to set free.
The best case scenario is who we can become to be.
Learning to breathe.
Of mixed culture, not fitting in one or the other.
The core of a culture, the abandoned of parents.
People making their own outspoken decisions. Grabbing what isn’t theirs, denying what is, as if it was theirs to make.
Add mix-ture, add salt,
add acceptance and doubt, add variety, add strength, add hope and love, add peace.
A double-edged sword.
Fading to the back, stepping aside, giving up power, not understanding why. Devastatingly sad!
Fighting to hold on. Resentful and angry. Hours of normalcy, a day of perfection…slipping again into less than.
I can’t breathe, watching my husband, my partner, my person change.
Terror fills my heart, the horror, the fear, the pain.
I can’t breathe!
He steps into the doorway, this beautiful man of mine. He is standing upright, not crooked, his eyes are wide open, the pain is gone, there’s no fatigue, depression has vanished.
Will it remain mine?
The peace, the partnership, the joy, the calm, the love.
The future, our future.
A strength from within, a knowledge from before.
A parallel universe, one where I longed to be part of, but never fit in.
Another that I lived in, but never was apart of, like a stranger looking in.
Cold in this freezing weather, longing for the burning sun.
Is a childhood always like this, waiting for the future?
Secrets held within, waiting for the moment?
The cultures are two, that I have been lucky enough to know.
My daughter has the pride of always belonging, yet with cautious steps… it is her legacy of love.
We are young, eyes wide open and hopeful. Our future lies before us, full of promise and excitement.
We must move forward, it is my dream. The signs go unheeded, my desire is too strong.
Suddenly things change, I am caught off guard, my world turns sideways, it can’t be true… apologies abound, the incident forgiven. It will never happen again.
Even a short time becomes too long “but how do I leave”. Ignorant in this life’s education, petrified, a hostage in my own home.
Play like a child, as we should. Laugh with freedom and joy. Run in the sun, with no worries.
Conflict, worry and fear abound. Stress and trauma, living in a life of “having to do”. Powerless in the face of adult decisions.
A broken system.
She is given hidden strength, fragmented calm, spaces of peace. Avenues of joy in a city of light and darkness. Hope is everyday for the future.
Stuck in the Middle… Surviving the trauma is a child aging out.
Freedom from the fear,
Joy in the day, sunlight on my back, the fragrance of a rose seeping into the senses.
Challenges ebb and flow as we walk the path of life. Our feet are lifted off the ground, so we’re carried by the faith of the promise of more to come.
Roses are the culture of a past and present memory, I carry with me as a proof of a glory on towards a freedom ever known.
Our people gone before us, most known but some unknown…. Our Lineage carry our history, yet can become undone, with perseverance and joy our line is resewn.